Hi Everybody, my name is *mumbles something unintelligible* and I have a problem. I’m an addict and I need help. I wake up every morning with dry mouth and craving some of that liquid gold, I rush downstairs and put the kettle on, people know not to talk to me, engage me in any sort of activity or expect me to do anything before I have my morning fix.
I work construction so no viable way to have tea through the day which is becoming increasingly problematic. By ten o’clock I’m already craving that next cup, scheming about how I can get my next fix, thinking how close am I to a tea house, is it worth it to deign and get a cup at Starbucks. It’s beginning to effect my performance, I’m preoccupied all day about when I’m going to get my next drink, what new leaves am I going to order what I’m going to have when I get home. My work ethic is suffering, I find it hard to focus throughout the day and formulate plans and goals that don’t revolve around these marvelous leaves.
As soon as I get home I rush to my kettle again to prepare for euphoria, nobody would dare try to interrupt me or attempt to divert my attention to something that does not involve camellia sinensis. I now spend my evening attempting to consume as much and as many different types until my body rejects anymore consumption and begins to shutdown. Ever chasing that nirvanic high. (Nirvanic : of or relating to Nirvana)
It’s begun to effect my relationships and I’ve been distancing myself from people who think tea is something that you get from a bag in the grocery store. When people invite me over for dinner and drinks I ask what kind of tea they have before I accept and then usually bring my mobile tea kit anyways. When friends want to go out for drinks I ask what tea shop they have in mind. I can’t even carry on a normal conversation without bringing up something tea related.
About a month ago a few close friends and family decided to have an intervention and stole all of my tea, I retaliated by going to the courthouse, striping naked and climbing the flagpole, refusing to come down until my tea was returned. This did not end well by any account. Needless to say I now always keep an emergency stash hidden under a loose floorboard.
It culminated this week when I was forced to break up with my girl friend because she thought genmaicha was actually good tea. It’s gone to far I need help, I don’t think I have the strength to do this alone. Help before I allow this to shatter my life, destroy my family, decimate what few relationships I still have and shred what little dignity I am clinging to.
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